Every marriage needs a mission. I always ask couples in premarital counseling the "why" for their marriage.
I ask, "What is your mission? What could you do better together as a couple than you could do separately as individuals?"
I once heard a couple say something like this: "We want God to help us grow and help us help others grow." I think this mission is one that many couples could, and perhaps should, embrace.
So, what's it going to take for couples to grow and to help others grow?
I recently performed a wedding ceremony in wine country in California. You didn't have to try too hard to see the vineyards. They were everywhere. And that reminded me of something Jesus said. It's in John 15:5, "I am the Vine. You are the branches. If you abide in Me then you will bear much fruit. But apart from Me you can do nothing."
Jesus is saying that if you will stay connected to Me, then you will experience My life; you will grow; and you will bear fruit. Then he says, "Apart from Me you can do nothing." He's not saying that we won't be busy. But apart from Christ, we will be busy doing things that do not have significance, that do not have lasting value.
So, the key is to be a branch that stays connected to Jesus – that is attached to Him, that abides in Him, that remains in Him. When we do that we will bear fruit.
What kind of fruit? Well, the Bible says that the fruit of the Spirit is love. It's the kind of love that we read about in I Corinthians 13.
To grow as a couple like you want to grow and to help others grow like you want to help them grow, you will need the kind of love that is described in I Corinthians 13.
I Corinthians 13 is a passage that is used at many wedding ceremonies. Many times, it's a formality. It's used as something sweet and sentimental to say. But it is much more than a sweet and sentimental passage. It is not describing a natural love. It's describing a supernatural love. It's describing a love that we cannot display in our own strength apart from Christ.
You want to know how difficult this is? Just put your name in the verses where the word "love" occurs. _______ is always patient. _______ is always kind. _______ is never arrogant or rude. _______ does not seek his own way. _______ is never irritable or resentful. _______ does not keep an account of wrongs suffered. _______ does not act in childish ways. _______'s love never fails.
When we put our name in the passage it takes it out of the realm of theory and puts it into practical daily life. And we can see how exceedingly difficult it is to live this way.
That's why we cannot do this on our own. We cannot love like this apart from Christ. We have to be branches that stay attached to the Vine. We're not talking about religion which is our effort to try to please God. We are talking about a real, vital, living relationship with Jesus Christ.
The word for love that is used here is agape. The Greek language has several words for love. One of the words refers to sensual love. Another word refers to emotional love. But this word, agape, refers to God's love – a supernatural, sacrificial love. It's the love that sent Jesus to the cross. He sacrificed to save us.
It's not an "I love you because..." kind of love. It's not an "I love you if..." kind of love. See, that kind of love is conditional. I love you because you're fit or pretty. I love you if you are nice or kind. That's conditional love. But what God is calling us to is sacrificial love, an "I love you in spite of..." kind of love.
We are going to need this "in spite of" kind of love in our marriages. There will be times that a husband will be strong-willed. And there will be times when a wife will be overly opinionated. There will be times when couples let each other down. That is precisely when we need I Corinthians 13, agape love.
This kind of love is called unconditional love. But never forget, if you try to live that way on your own apart from Christ, you will fail. You must abide in the Vine, in Christ – stay connected to Christ, allow His life to flow through you.
You'll have to figure out some habits to build into your married life so that you'll stay connected to Jesus. We're not talking about keeping the rules and rituals and regulations of religion. We're talking about a vital, dynamic, living, intimate relationship with Jesus. It's not about a religion. It's about a relationship.
When I say "Establish some habits in your life to help you connect with Christ," it's this kind of thing that I'm talking about.
5 habits to help you stay connected - to abide - in Christ as a couple...
1) Pray. Have an internal, ongoing conversation with Jesus all day every day; hold hands and pray together.
2) Read. Because you want to hear from Jesus, open your Bibles day after day and spend time in God's word.
3) Worship. Find a good place of worship and make it a habit to be there weekly.
4. Fellowship. Get connected with a small group of believers so that you can help them grow and they can help you grow.
5) Serve. Together, find a meaningful place of service.
All these habits will help you stay connected to Christ – will help you abide in the Vine so that you can bear much fruit.
Your marriage is unique. It's one-of-a-kind. Nothing like it has never happened before. And nothing like it will ever happen again. You, as a couple, are truly a unique gift of God to this world. Build some habits into your married life so that you will give to this world the best unique gift that is possible to get
Why do you want to be married? To see God help you grow and to help you help others grow?
Remember, it's only going to be possible if you abide in the Vine, in Christ Jesus. Apart from Him, you can do nothing. But when you abide in Him, then you... together... as husband and wife... will do amazing things.
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