Recently, a group of my friends in the ministry gathered for our bi-weekly meeting and conversation. Dr. Michael Misja of North Coast Family Foundation graciously hosts us.
One of my friends has a out-of-town sibling who has been hospitalized in our city and is in critical condition. Other siblings have come to town and are assisting with care. In the process, my friend has been dismissed and marginalized by his family.
Today, Mike spent some time helping us develop some questions to help our friend get in touch with what’s going on in his heart. The questions that were being asked were so profound that I began to jot them down.
Eventually, as you can imagine, the questions were processed not only by my friend who started the conversation but also by the rest of us in the room.
So, if you’ve ever been minimized or marginalized or overlooked or underappreciated, these questions below might help you get in touch with your heart.
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1. There are casual, critical, and crucial concerns. This seems like a crucial concern to you. Don’t take this as a challenging question as if I’m looking for something dark inside you, but why is this such a crucial concern?
2. What could your family relationships be like? What could this time in the life of your family have looked like? What would it look like for you all to be a true family for each other?
3. What would it look like for your siblings to be proud of you? What would it look like for them to think that you matter? What would it look like for them to notice you and respect you?
4. Why does this make you feel lonely? What would non-loneliness look like?
5. How might you let this situation draw you closer to Jesus - to worship Jesus?
6. How might you apply the “don’t cast your pearls before swine“ and the “shake the dust off your feet” type verses? What could that look like with your family?
7. What would you like for your family to know about you? What would you like for them to notice, to celebrate, to appreciate?
8. What does your family trusting you look like?
9. What are you doing with your legitimate anger about this situation? How will you give yourself permission to express your anger?
10. On a broader scale, what would you like others - even beyond your family - to appreciate about you?
11. Without falling into the trap of sinful pride, how might you celebrate and appreciate what you are good at? What does that look like?
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What might happen in your heart if you took the time to work through these questions in a journal and with a trusted friend?
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