Why do we want the church to grow?

Lifeway President, Thom Rainer, just listed the top 500 SBC churches in attendance. Cuyahoga Valley Church is #222. I praise God for the fruit that He's given us over the last 30 years. 

I find myself both liking and loathing these lists. 

I like the lists because I'm simply interested in who's who. I like to learn from other churches that are growing. But I loathe the lists because they awaken something in me that I'm sure is dark. 

See, I'd like for CVC to be in the top 100. And I'm sure there is a very, very dark side to that desire. 

I have struggled with these mixed feelings for a long, long time. Why the struggle? 

If I want CVC to be in the top 100, I must ask myself some very tough questions. Is this about the glory of God and the souls men, women, boys, girls? Or is this about me failing to believe that I'm a beloved child without numerical "success" - about me trying to be somebody significant in the church world? 

In other words, is this a holy ambition or a worldly  ambition that is driving me?

Because I know that I have both kinds of ambition in me (as a result of God's grace and my depravity), I have asked God many times to increase the former and decrease the latter, which kind of reminds me of John 3:30. "He must increase, and I must decrease. He must grow more prominent, and I must grow less so."

God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble. this means that if I cannot crucify daily the latter motivation, the Lord will surely oppose me and my ungodly ambition. After all, He does not need me. I am the one who needs Him.

Playing my part, being content, trusting God with the increase (or not), celebrating His wins (not mine), trusting His plan, and blooming where I am planted while at the same time trying to advance the gospel, seeking to build the kingdom, serving to see Jesus grow His church, striving for fruitfulness in ministry, and leading people to win souls are all exceedingly hard to maintain in proper proportion.

Sometimes, all of this was (and still can be) a joy-stealer for me. My soul feels the conflict. And I, too often, have succumbed to the flesh – to those baser instincts in me.

John Owen said, "Either sin will be killing us or we will be killing sin." We must, with Christ's help, kill ungodly ambition. And we, with Christ's help, can walk and serve and move and lead and love with an ever-increasing holy ambition.

The Lord will not share His glory with another. Soli Deo Gloria. May God give all of us spiritual leaders His heart about such matters.

So, the big question is not "Is our church on the list?" or "Where is our church on the list?" or "What is our overall attendance?" but "Why do I want to grow the church?"