I can be hard on myself. And sometimes I am tempted to think that maybe God is hard on me, too. As a leader in Cuyahoga Valley Church, I so much want to do everything right. But I don’t. I can’t. And it’s easy for me to think God and other people are always kind of ticked at me.
I often have regrets about my shortcomings as a leader. Oh, I’m not stealing money or partying hard or running around on my wife. My sins and shortcomings are more subtle than that. Let me give you an example.
Over 15 years ago, a friend at CVC asked me to love him better – to give him more in our relationship than I felt I was able to give. And I said to him, “I’m sorry. I don't think I can give you what you’re looking for.” I hurt him and he later left the church. I always regretted his leaving. I felt responsible. And over the years, I’ve beat myself up for it.
I know that I’m not the only person to beat myself up over things I did do I wish I didn’t do and things I didn’t do that I wish I did do.
Maybe you’re thinking, “If only you knew. My life is filled with failure. My failures certainly outnumber my successes. I look at all the pretty people at church with their pretty smiles and I feel so inadequate.”
Maybe you’re scared a little when you come to church. Or maybe you are really kind of terrified by religious people. Maybe you’re the guy who accidently lets a cuss word slip out sometimes while on the way to church. Maybe you think you don't really measure up. Maybe you feel dirty. Maybe you feel like if you got what you deserved from God, you’d be zapped on the spot.
If that’s you, you need the message of grace - amazing grace. Grace is unmerited favor. Grace is getting what you don’t deserve. I hope that we can all really come to know God’s grace.
For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sake He became poor, so that you [who are poor and guilty] by His poverty might become rich (II Corinthians 8:9).
Look as His birth, life, and death and you can see Jesus went from riches to rags so we could go from rags to riches. That's grace. When we really believe that the birth of Jesus and his death on the cross paid the price that we should have paid for all our wrongdoing, then we’re rich - rich in freedom from guilt, forgiveness from sin, purpose for living, and hope for heaven. We get all that and more in spite of all our sin and our wrongdoing.
Grace is for messed-up people, sin-scarred people who feel that their lives are a grave disappointment to God.
I began this blog post telling a story about my friend – the one who wanted me to love him better and I said I couldn’t do it the way he wanted me to do it. He later left our church. And moved out of the state of Ohio. I have felt guilty about that. I have beat myself up over it.
Well, a few years ago we sat down together in his home in another state for several hours and talked about old times. We ate together, laughed together, shared some ideas. I didn’t want to leave. But I had to get back to Cleveland. I sent him a thank you note for the visit. I later received a note back from him.
In his note, because he had received the gift of grace from Jesus, he gave me grace. Here's part of what he wrote to me:
"Rick... It was great seeing you too.
"I did get the sense, however, that you've been beating yourself up over things you think you didn't do well when we were together. I understand that. But whatever didn't happen was just as much my fault as anyone's... probably more.
"Looking back, I can't believe how screwed up I was. But I'm thankful I'm giving myself the same grace I'm giving others.
"And I want to encourage you that I truly have nothing but good thoughts and feelings when I think of you... and of your family... and of our time in Cleveland.
"So do me and yourself a favor and bury whatever it is that you wish had been different... and live in the grace of what God did in each of us, as well as through us. We both have so much for which to be thankful."
When I received that note, I felt not only grace from my friend, but grace from Christ Himself. You see, Jesus can communicate His grace to us through others.
I received a gift that I didn’t deserve. And that made me rich. That’s grace.
Because I got that gift of grace from my friend, I understood more about God’s gift of grace to me.
Yes, I mess up as a leader at the church. I sin. I fail. But in my heart, I know now more than ever that if I ever got a note from God, I sense it would read like this:
"Rick... It’s always great spending time with you.
"I know that you've been beating yourself up over things you think you didn't do well for Me. I understand that. But whatever didn't happen wasn’t the first time a Christian leader messed up.
"Please receive for yourself the same grace you say that I give to others.
"And I want to encourage you that I truly have good thoughts and feelings when I think of you.
"So do Me and yourself a favor and bury whatever it is that you wish had been different... and live in the grace of what I have done in you as well as through you. You have so much for which to be thankful."
I need to remember this. All day. Every day.
Maybe you do, too.
The grace of God comes through the person of Jesus Christ. When you get Jesus, you get grace. And His grace sets us free. Grace. Freely given through Christ Jesus. What an amazing present. It's the best.
Now, who has disappointed you and needs to receive grace from you? Maybe you could make a point to give grace to him/her soon. Before it's too late. And then, give grace to yourself. Because if Jesus has given you grace, who are you not to give it to yourself?
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