On Saturdays, we have a Q and A after the message. This topic always stirs up lots of practical questions. So, here are a few questions. I’ll try to give some brief answers.
Does God really expect us to let abusers “off the hook”?
No. It is not wrong (and may even be necessary) to report someone, to turn guilty offenders over to the appropriate authorities who can hold them accountable, to be part of helping them face the reality of what they’ve done. But if your heart in doing so is bitter or vengeful – if you are being vindictive, obsessed with revenge, inwardly hoping to see their downfall – then you are allowing bitterness to take root in your heart. And you are limiting the favor of God for your life. (See DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, pp. 94-95.)
If you forgive someone do you have to be their friend? Do you have to associate with them? What if you feel led to separate from a destructive person? Is that being unforgiving?
No. We see no record of Joseph ever hanging out with Potiphar's wife after she framed him. The indications are that he did not become bitter toward her. But did he hang out with an unsafe person who falsely accused him? The Bible doesn’t say. I do know that forgiveness and trust are two different things. Let's say your spouse was abusive and unfaithful. Forgive? Yes! Trust? Maybe, but maybe not. Forgiveness can be freely given. But trust has to be earned.
Unforgiveness according to God's Word has some serious implications. Jesus says if we don't forgive others, our heavenly Father will not forgive us. Can someone lose their salvation if they refuse to forgive?
Pastor John Piper has said, “If we hold fast to an unforgiving spirit, we will not be forgiven by God. If we continue on in that way, then we will not go to heaven because heaven is the dwelling place of forgiving people.” The point is not that we somehow earn heaven because we forgive others. The point is that forgiven people forgive people. Jesus is saying, “If you can’t and won’t forgive others of this [a little pile of hurts], then you have not understood or receive the forgiveness of God for this [a BIG pile of sins]. Thos who persistently refuse to forgive others have no basis to claim to have been forgiven by God. (See DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, p. 69.)
You may not feel like forgiving. You may not feel like you have forgiven. But as an act of faith, you will to do what God commands you to do. You forgive. You say it. You live it. And when bitterness rushes in the next day or the next hour, you forgive again and again.
A woman who had an unrepentant adulterous husband said, “When we choose to forgive others, even when they are not broken themselves, God pours out freedom, grace, peace, love, joy and even forgiveness itself into our hearts. It takes your breath away when you experience it yourself. It takes you to depths with God that you never could have reached except through this mysterious path” (DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, p. 140).
Now, a question for you. Will you forgive?
Does God really expect us to let abusers “off the hook”?
No. It is not wrong (and may even be necessary) to report someone, to turn guilty offenders over to the appropriate authorities who can hold them accountable, to be part of helping them face the reality of what they’ve done. But if your heart in doing so is bitter or vengeful – if you are being vindictive, obsessed with revenge, inwardly hoping to see their downfall – then you are allowing bitterness to take root in your heart. And you are limiting the favor of God for your life. (See DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, pp. 94-95.)
If you forgive someone do you have to be their friend? Do you have to associate with them? What if you feel led to separate from a destructive person? Is that being unforgiving?
No. We see no record of Joseph ever hanging out with Potiphar's wife after she framed him. The indications are that he did not become bitter toward her. But did he hang out with an unsafe person who falsely accused him? The Bible doesn’t say. I do know that forgiveness and trust are two different things. Let's say your spouse was abusive and unfaithful. Forgive? Yes! Trust? Maybe, but maybe not. Forgiveness can be freely given. But trust has to be earned.
Unforgiveness according to God's Word has some serious implications. Jesus says if we don't forgive others, our heavenly Father will not forgive us. Can someone lose their salvation if they refuse to forgive?
Pastor John Piper has said, “If we hold fast to an unforgiving spirit, we will not be forgiven by God. If we continue on in that way, then we will not go to heaven because heaven is the dwelling place of forgiving people.” The point is not that we somehow earn heaven because we forgive others. The point is that forgiven people forgive people. Jesus is saying, “If you can’t and won’t forgive others of this [a little pile of hurts], then you have not understood or receive the forgiveness of God for this [a BIG pile of sins]. Thos who persistently refuse to forgive others have no basis to claim to have been forgiven by God. (See DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, p. 69.)
You may not feel like forgiving. You may not feel like you have forgiven. But as an act of faith, you will to do what God commands you to do. You forgive. You say it. You live it. And when bitterness rushes in the next day or the next hour, you forgive again and again.
A woman who had an unrepentant adulterous husband said, “When we choose to forgive others, even when they are not broken themselves, God pours out freedom, grace, peace, love, joy and even forgiveness itself into our hearts. It takes your breath away when you experience it yourself. It takes you to depths with God that you never could have reached except through this mysterious path” (DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, p. 140).
Now, a question for you. Will you forgive?
I like your new background! :-)
ReplyDeleteI have LOVED this series at church. It has hit home closer than anything in a long time. I struggle with a relationship with my mother and have for as long as I can remember. I have wrestled with the issue of forgiveness and doing the right thing and never had a clear answer. I couldn't understand how I could extend forgiveness to someone who continues to inflict pain, especially when that someone is my own mother.
I know God has spoken to me through these messages. I have come to realize that my forgiveness towards my mother (& others that have wronged me, for that matter) is MORE about my relationship with HIM than my relationship with THEM.
I cannot thank you enough for the series. I honestly have come to a new revelation after struggling with this for about 30 years!