My friend’s dad was dying in the hospital with severe liver failure due to alcoholism. It had been years since my friend had talked to his dad. Why? Here’s what he wrote to me on facebook:
Rick, I hate him. I hate him for all the abuse he put me through and the beatings my mother endured as well as me. Every time he beat me even as a 6 year old child he would rip the clothes of my back, beat me with his fists, and then tell me he loved me while bear hugging me. I will never forget the stench of alcohol on his breath each time and it was often. My dad let us starve growing up, never paying child support or helping with anything and he has the nerve to call us his boys.
My friend has been here at CVC throughout this whole “forgive” series. He said that it’s been hitting hard. And then he gets the call that his dad is in the hospital. He wrote to me for some advice:
I am faced with his possible death this morning. How can I hate him so and forgive and love him? My biggest fear is he [will] die without knowing the salvation I know. I don’t want to see him Pastor. I feel like I have nothing to give and nothing to say. Please pray my heart is transformed immediately. I want to be 70 x 7 with forgiveness and truly feel it. Pray for a miracle that I can go see my father before he passes. Please pray that God [will] guide me to the right place ASAP.
I let my friend know that forgiving doesn't mean forgetting or that he would be letting his dad off the hook. I reminded him that love is an action. And that we are called to love our enemies. I encouraged him to not let his feelings control his behavior – that we live by faith, not feelings. I encouraged him to live the exchanged life – to live out Galatians 2:20 which says, “It is not I who lives, but Christ lives in me.”
I counseled him to [somehow] return good for the evil. That doesn't mean trusting him again. It doesn't mean that feelings are no longer present. It just means that we act in faith out of obedience to Christ and that we give some kind of blessing. I prayed that my friend would go see his dad for the Lord first and then for himself. I received a note back on facebook.
Thank you. I'm not going to see him. Christ within me is going to see him tomorrow. In Jesus’ name and by His grace go I.
I waited and wondered how things would go. Here’s the report:
I went today and I was not in any way prepared for what I saw. I cannot believe that is my father laying there. It took all I had to keep my composure and I could tell it was the same for him. I stayed for about 4 hours and we didn't discuss any of the "stuff." I was certainly the power of Christ that got me there and the compassion of Christ that let me stay. As difficult as it was, I praise God I was obedient and pray perhaps this is a new beginning instead of the end.
Pastor, I get it. I really get it. I just remove “me” from the equation and allow Christ to work through me. Why it took so long to get this seemingly simple truth can be only mean I didn't want to do it.
It seems today the air is fresher, the sky is bluer and a stronghold is torn down. Who I am has changed and been transformed once again in my walk. For 5 years I've been captive to this.
I'm [now] contagious with a virus of forgiveness. Well, thank you for leading me 10 years ago to Christ. Armed with this new gift [of forgiveness] who can ever hurt us again? I plan on pursuing this and cherishing ever moment we have left.
Here is more of my friend’s story as it impacts the rest of his family:
I took my son to see [my dad] today as well and spoke a long while with my son about what I've learned. What forgiveness really means. When it is truly Christ in you, then all the other stuff falls away.
The joy on my father’s face to see his grandson today was apparent and amazing. Rick, his color changed his face lit up. It’s as if the experience the past couple days is also healing him as it is healing me as it is healing my wife and my son. All the hurt is truly falling away and we feel a fresh pure optimism about the future in Jesus’ name and by His grace.
God is using this whole thing to heal hearts, livers, kidneys, and spirits. [My dad] may come home today. He has serious issues that the doctors are saying he will have the rest of his life. But the key there is we have the rest of his life. Neither of us has even mentioned the things that have separated us. In me, the need for that has passed. We have a new beginning. My wife, son, and I plan on being the hands and feet of Christ in any way possible to help his recovery. I've seen or spoken to him every day. And each time I say "I love you, dad" and he says "I love you, son."
I have not heard that in a very long time from my father. To hear it from my dad is simply a miracle. And for me to say it feel it and mean it without any hesitation is also a miracle. There is no doubt God has shown to us His pleasure in this lesson of forgiveness in many little ways. As a result so many things have changed suddenly. Miraculous things. Thank you.
God is changing lives and mending families right here at CVC. The Breath of God has been blowing into this man’s life. How about you? How about me? We don’t want to miss this.
Who has hurt you? What circumstances tempt you to be bitter, resentful, unforgiving? And what might have to happen for you to come together with that person before it’s too late?
Rick, I hate him. I hate him for all the abuse he put me through and the beatings my mother endured as well as me. Every time he beat me even as a 6 year old child he would rip the clothes of my back, beat me with his fists, and then tell me he loved me while bear hugging me. I will never forget the stench of alcohol on his breath each time and it was often. My dad let us starve growing up, never paying child support or helping with anything and he has the nerve to call us his boys.
My friend has been here at CVC throughout this whole “forgive” series. He said that it’s been hitting hard. And then he gets the call that his dad is in the hospital. He wrote to me for some advice:
I am faced with his possible death this morning. How can I hate him so and forgive and love him? My biggest fear is he [will] die without knowing the salvation I know. I don’t want to see him Pastor. I feel like I have nothing to give and nothing to say. Please pray my heart is transformed immediately. I want to be 70 x 7 with forgiveness and truly feel it. Pray for a miracle that I can go see my father before he passes. Please pray that God [will] guide me to the right place ASAP.
I let my friend know that forgiving doesn't mean forgetting or that he would be letting his dad off the hook. I reminded him that love is an action. And that we are called to love our enemies. I encouraged him to not let his feelings control his behavior – that we live by faith, not feelings. I encouraged him to live the exchanged life – to live out Galatians 2:20 which says, “It is not I who lives, but Christ lives in me.”
I counseled him to [somehow] return good for the evil. That doesn't mean trusting him again. It doesn't mean that feelings are no longer present. It just means that we act in faith out of obedience to Christ and that we give some kind of blessing. I prayed that my friend would go see his dad for the Lord first and then for himself. I received a note back on facebook.
Thank you. I'm not going to see him. Christ within me is going to see him tomorrow. In Jesus’ name and by His grace go I.
I waited and wondered how things would go. Here’s the report:
I went today and I was not in any way prepared for what I saw. I cannot believe that is my father laying there. It took all I had to keep my composure and I could tell it was the same for him. I stayed for about 4 hours and we didn't discuss any of the "stuff." I was certainly the power of Christ that got me there and the compassion of Christ that let me stay. As difficult as it was, I praise God I was obedient and pray perhaps this is a new beginning instead of the end.
Pastor, I get it. I really get it. I just remove “me” from the equation and allow Christ to work through me. Why it took so long to get this seemingly simple truth can be only mean I didn't want to do it.
It seems today the air is fresher, the sky is bluer and a stronghold is torn down. Who I am has changed and been transformed once again in my walk. For 5 years I've been captive to this.
I'm [now] contagious with a virus of forgiveness. Well, thank you for leading me 10 years ago to Christ. Armed with this new gift [of forgiveness] who can ever hurt us again? I plan on pursuing this and cherishing ever moment we have left.
Here is more of my friend’s story as it impacts the rest of his family:
I took my son to see [my dad] today as well and spoke a long while with my son about what I've learned. What forgiveness really means. When it is truly Christ in you, then all the other stuff falls away.
The joy on my father’s face to see his grandson today was apparent and amazing. Rick, his color changed his face lit up. It’s as if the experience the past couple days is also healing him as it is healing me as it is healing my wife and my son. All the hurt is truly falling away and we feel a fresh pure optimism about the future in Jesus’ name and by His grace.
God is using this whole thing to heal hearts, livers, kidneys, and spirits. [My dad] may come home today. He has serious issues that the doctors are saying he will have the rest of his life. But the key there is we have the rest of his life. Neither of us has even mentioned the things that have separated us. In me, the need for that has passed. We have a new beginning. My wife, son, and I plan on being the hands and feet of Christ in any way possible to help his recovery. I've seen or spoken to him every day. And each time I say "I love you, dad" and he says "I love you, son."
I have not heard that in a very long time from my father. To hear it from my dad is simply a miracle. And for me to say it feel it and mean it without any hesitation is also a miracle. There is no doubt God has shown to us His pleasure in this lesson of forgiveness in many little ways. As a result so many things have changed suddenly. Miraculous things. Thank you.
God is changing lives and mending families right here at CVC. The Breath of God has been blowing into this man’s life. How about you? How about me? We don’t want to miss this.
Who has hurt you? What circumstances tempt you to be bitter, resentful, unforgiving? And what might have to happen for you to come together with that person before it’s too late?
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