A man's man is a godly man

Yesterday, I had coffee and a bagel with John Campbell. He's leading our men's ministry, Guardians Men's Fellowship, at CVC. 

I love the verse that he's chosen as a theme for our men. "Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love" (I Corinthians 16:13-14).

We want to see our men at CVC be active, not passive. One of the big problems at CVC and in the church at large is male passivity.

Male passivity began in Genesis 3 at the fall – in the garden. Adam did not speak up when Eve was tempted. He was silent when he should have been screaming a protective "No!" go ahead. Read that story. And ask yourself, "Where was Adam?" 

That's when the heart of the husband’s problem became the problem of the husband’s heart. (And the heart of the wife’s problem became the problem of the wife’s heart.) God’s perfect plan for marriage was marred.

Instead of husbands leading with love, we fell to one of two extremes – sometimes vacillating between them both. Milquetoast man or sledgehammer man. And instead of wives responding with passion, they fell to one of two extremes – sometimes vacillating between them both. Door mat woman or brick wall woman.

And so, sin wrecks our families. The problems in our hearts make for problems in the home.

1. There’s the milquetoast husband/door mat wife marriage.
2. There’s the sledge hammer husband/door mat wife marriage.
3. There’s the milquetoast husband/brick wall marriage.
4. There’s the sledge hammer husband/brick wall marriage.

Which one best describes your marriage? Husbands, God wants you to lead with tenderness. (Wives, God wants you to respond with passion.)

A real man is not passive or abusive. A real man is not impotent or on steroids. A real man leads lovingly. A real man takes initiative with tenderness.

Unfortunately, most men are far more comfortable at taking the initiative in the marketplace than they are in the home. On the job, men develop mission statements, set goals, solve problems, coordinate staff meetings, establish new strategies, create, innovate. They move! But at home, they freeze… until they get mad and then they explode. There is a male leadership vacuum in our homes and in the church and in the culture at large.

So, what can we do? Start with repentance. Read your Bible daily. Continue with prayer for help. Meditate on the way Jesus lived out his masculinity. Begin some friendships with some men that are passionate about overcoming their passivity. Make plans to be a part of the fall Men's Retreat at CVC. Commit to be active in the Guardians ministry in the 2012-2013 school year. Meanwhile this summer,  learn from some men who have thought deeply about these issues by reading some good books.

Here are 8 “Manhood” books that I’ve read and that have helped to shape my views.

The Man in the Mirror – Patrick Morley
Disciplines of a Godly Man – R. Kent Hughes
Tender Warrior – Stu Weber
Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood – Ed. By John Piper and Wayne Grudem
Point Man – Steve Farrar
The Silence of Adam – Larry Crabb
Every Man’s Battle – Stephen Arterburn
Wild at Heart – John Eldredge

I try to read or reread one or two of these each year. Why? I don't want to be a pssaive man! I need to remind myself of what a godly man really looks like. I want to be an example to my sons and to the men of CVC.

So, men, what's your strategy to overcome the fallen pull toward passivity? Why not repent, pray, meditate on the life of Jesus, develop some friendships with some guys who want to grow, and pick a book from the above list and read it?

Let's turn the words of Robert Lewis into a prayer for our lives. "Lord, give us grace to reject passivity, accept responsibility,  lead courageously, and expect the greater reward."