
Here are two big ideas from the prior post on "the reward of repentance"... about the story where Jesus tells us what the Kingdom of Heaven is like and Peter's questions relating to the subject of forgiveness:
When it comes to forgiveness, those who…
… get it…Have you really received the forgiveness from God? Think about your sins. Things you’ve done wrong. Ways you’ve hurt people. Stuff you regret.
We have a King who has a record of the debt we owe. Our list is long. The 6 billion dollars that the servant owes is a ridiculous amount. But the reality is this: That’s the weight of our debt, and there’s no way we could ever repay it. The penalty is prison – forever. “The wages of sin is death.”
In the story, the King is God the Father and we are the servant who owes the huge debt; 10,000 talents = 6 billion dollars. It’s huge. There is no way the man can pay that debt but he begs for mercy…and gets it.
Out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.
Matthew 18:27 (ESV)
I remember reading through this story when God spoke to my heart and said, “That’s your verse.” My dad taught me to put my name in verses to make them more personal.
"Out of pity for Rick, Rick’s master, Jesus Christ, released Rick and forgave him the debt."
Jesus came to pay a debt He did not owe because I owed a debt I could not pay.
Now compare verses 26 and 29:
26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, “Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.”
29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, “Have patience with me, and I will pay you.”
This servant should have remembered, “Hey, I’ve heard this before! It’s what I said to the King and He forgave me!”
When you are hurt by someone, you have to remember, “I’ve been forgiven a huge debt by a great King, He’s had patience with me, He’s released me, He’s forgiven me. So, how can I not forgive that person who has hurt me?”
… give it.Give it? Wait a minute, Jesus. You don’t understand how hard it is for me to forgive that person. You don’t know how many times I’ve given them a 2nd chance only to be hurt again. You must not understand how wrong what they did was. You don’t understand how mean that person really is. You can’t see how good I am – how I don’t deserve to be treated that way. You just don’t get how the world works – how people really relate. Maybe you don’t understand how things really are Jesus.
Why give it? It makes us like God. Follow Jesus. Father forgive.
Bear with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
Colossians 3:12-13 (ESV)
If you harbor bitterness and resentment, that’s a pretty big red flag. Maybe you haven’t really received the forgiveness God has offered you in Christ. If you can’t give it, then maybe you didn’t get it. Forgiveness is deciding that someone who has wronged you doesn’t have to pay. You need to know that forgiving others sets you free. How can your freedom be spared one minute and the next you’re choking a guy and then having him thrown in prison when he owes you much less than you were forgiven for?
Do you see yourself in this story?
There’s just something wrong and maybe even evil about a person who could have such a debt forgiven and hold much smaller debts against someone. Look at the size of the debt for which you have been forgiven. Surrender your so-called “right” to even the score.
We’ve seen forgiveness at its best. At the cross. Jesus died to pay all the debt. We don’t owe anything because Jesus paid it all. We owe. He paid...the big debt. Now, if we receive Him, we can forgive like Him.
I want to share some Frequently Asked Questions about forgiveness:
1. What if the one who hurt me never asks for forgiveness?Our example is Jesus. When He was nailed to the cross, He didn’t wait for the Roman soldiers to say “I was wrong; will You forgive me?” He initiated it. He said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing.”
The person who’s hurt you may never ask for forgiveness. But don’t let that keep you in the jail of resentment. Just like we should not look for “Thank you,” when we serve, we don’t look for “I’m sorry” when we put out our hand to forgive. And don’t forget: Forgiveness is not condoning the behavior. When we forgive someone we’re not saying what they did was OK. It wasn’t.
2. What if I don’t feel like forgiving?Forgiveness is first a matter of the mind and the will more than the emotions. The emotions will follow the mind and the will in time. Old illustration: A steam engine train is made up of 1) the engine, 2) fuel car with the coal, and 3) a caboose. The engine is fact - God and His word. The fuel car is faith - our trust in God and His word. The caboose is feelings - our emotional response. Notice that the train runs with or without the caboose.
Some of you have your feelings completely attached to your forgiveness. You’re thinking, “If am ever able to feel better – to heal, to deal with the memories, the hurt, and the shame, then I can forgive.” You’re stuck in all the feelings from the past. You have so much bitterness, pain, hurt, and anger. Your feelings are strong and things are not getting better. Don't allow feelings to run your life. What you are seeking to do is simply trust God by being obedient to God in this matter. Whether you feel forgiving toward the other person is not the biggest issue. The biggest issue is whether you will choose to obey God and His Word or not.
3. Do I have to forgive and forget?
Sometimes, people think that forgiveness and forgetfulness go together because of a verse in the Bible that says that God remembers our sins no more. But is that true? God is omniscient, He knows everything, He can’t forget. If He could forget, He wouldn’t be God. So, when the Bible says that He forgets sins, it means that He treats us as if He doesn’t remember our sins.
If you’ve been hurt badly, you won’t forget it.
4. Shouldn’t the one who hurt me have to pay?
God has made a promise that he himself will repay all wrongs in perfect measure.
Never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord."
Romans 12:19 (ESV)Do you believe this promise? Do you trust God to settle accounts for you far more justly than you could ever settle them? God’s justice will prevail and no wrong has escaped his notice. He sees its evil far better than you do. He hates it far more than you do and he claims the right to take vengeance. Forgiveness does not eliminate justice and consequences. Sometimes a wrong done to you will bring consequences to the one who hurt you; they earned it. Maybe they need to endure those consequences to grow from it.
5. How will I know if I’ve forgiven?
The short answer? You’ll feel free. Remember how the passage ends?
In anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.
Matthew 18:34-35
After having his massive debt cancelled by the king the servant refuses to cancel the tiny debt of his friend. And so the king throws him into jail for his heartlessness.
If you are in jail, you have not forgiven. What is the jail? A bitter soul. You build your own prison. It doesn’t really affect the other person. They are going on with their lives. It consumes you.
6. Does forgiveness mean that reconciliation happens?
I don’t think Jesus is saying that you have to reconcile. Reconciliation takes two people. If you’re offering forgiveness and they don’t own up to their wrongs and won’t receive the forgiveness, there’s nothing more you can do. Reconciliation may not ever happen. We can hope for it, we can work for it, we can pray for it. But it might not be desired by the other person. Whether reconciliation happens or not, you can still forgive.
7. What if I can’t (won’t) forgive?An unforgiving heart is very dangerous. If it takes root in your heart and becomes a grudge, it can destroy you – eternally. That's the point of the story. No one is forgiven who is unwilling to be forgiving. No one goes to heaven who is unforgiving.
Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
Matthew 6:12
If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 6:14-15
That verse is pretty point-blank. If we don't forgive, we aren't forgiven. This is why an unforgiving heart is very dangerous. It can turn into a lasting grudge and the result will be judgment.
It sounds like what Jesus is saying is that our forgiveness is dependent on whether or not we forgive. But that would mean we somehow have to earn forgiveness. But the story here in Matthew 18 teaches us that we can’t earn forgiveness. No. God simply chooses to erase the debt for no good reason. So, He’s saying, “If you get forgiveness, you will give it. But If you can’t give it, then you didn’t get it.”
People who are forgiven actually see what Jesus had to go through to forgive them. He died on the cross for their forgiveness and they understand that Jesus not only died for them, but He also died for the one who hurt them. He died for his/her sins, too. If we can’t forgive, it’s like we’re telling Jesus that He died so we could be forgiven BUT His death wasn’t enough for the one who hurt us.
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Forgiveness is a choice. How will you respond? For some of us, we’ll need to call someone and let them know, “I’m sorry that I’ve been harboring bitterness in my heart against you. Will you forgive me?” For others of us, the one who hurt you might not even know you’ve held something against them, so your forgiveness may be internal. The question is, What do you need to do and what will you do? Will today be the day you repent of your resentment, bitterness, and unforgiveness? Will you be set free?
Here is a prayer you can pray to make it "personal." Fill in the blanks of that person you need to forgive.Because I have been forgiven of such a great debt by Christ, by faith I now choose to forgive -____________________ unconditionally in Christ. No matter how much he/she sinned against me, it doesn’t compare with how I sinned against God. So, I release him/her from the hurts. He/she is no longer accountable to me for those hurts. I know that I do not have the power to forgive this way. So, I am here and now trusting Jesus to forgive through me. I put ____________________ in the hands of God – the One who will handle things righteously. Thank You, Jesus, for setting me free.
If you can pray this from your heart, no matter the feelings, then I think you can have a clear conscience before God about living in forgiveness. Pray this way over and over and then, over time, you will see that you will have been set free. If you can pray this prayer, please take heart. You may not feel forgiving. But you are doing good work. Only God can see in your heart, but it seems to me that you ARE forgiving those who hurt you. You aren't plotting revenge. You are seeking to let go. These are all signs of a forgiving heart, not a revenge-filled bitter heart.
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Forgiveness – those who get it give it.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32, ESV)