Watching a video conversation (see below) between Francis Chan, Mark Driscoll, and Josh Harris prompted this deeply personal post. I thank my friend, Andy Sikora, pastor of Renew Communities, for encouraging me to watch the conversation. It stirred something deep within me.
People ask me sometimes why we are making a leadership transition at CVC.
"Why did you bring in Chad Allen as co-teaching pastor? Why are you going to pass the baton of senior leadership to Chad sometime over the next couple of years? Why don't you want to stay on as senior pastor for the next 10 years until your 'retirement' age? Why are you willing to give up senior leadership and its perquisites - what you worked so hard to achieve? What are you going to do when you are no longer senior pastor? Why would you give up your leadership and influence? Why are you taking a step down? Don't you know most pastors would never give up a role like yours?"
The answers to these questions are complex for me.
One of my answers to the above questions have to do with wanting the best transition possible for CVC.
Think about it. Every current senior pastor - every one of them - is on his way to becoming the former senior pastor. That means that transition is coming sooner or later. It's my observation that many, many times senior leaders hold on way too long. And their church, which is supposed to be effective in reaching young families, becomes less and less effective at that mission as the senior leader becomes older. Before you know it, the church is filled with grey and balding heads. And the next generations are not being reached.
So, one reason for making this transitional move now is related to the mission Jesus has given us. I want to help CVC continue to have a young voice so CVC can reach the upcoming generations for Christ. We are making this transition because I love the church - I love CVC - for whom Christ died and I greatly desire CVC to be as effective, relevant, and fruitful as possible. We need constantly to have an influx of younger, empowered leadership if reaching next generations is going to happen.
Other answers to the above questions have to do with my own personal sanctification.
To be sure, being the senior leader of a growing suburban church has its challenges. The complexity of a larger congregation causes a dependence on God. The challenges of handling conflict and growth means that you can't lean on your own understanding. These kinds of challenges cause dependence on Christ and a closeness to Christ and are, therefore, sources of growth in my soul.
But sometimes I think that being senior pastor of a large, growing church in the suburbs has done some "violence" to my soul. Being a senior leader of a larger church has sometimes been distracting and inhibiting to some of my more missional impulses because we have to "play it safe" as a congregation. (We have a large staff with families to provide for and we have a mortgage to meet.) Pastoring 2,000 plus people has been personally challenging since I am a person who is reflective by nature and the role I have had to play has pulled me out of my comfort zone since I have to deal with people in "large doses." I've had to lead in conversations and help determine CVC's positions and policies when it comes to secondary issues, personnel decisions, and conflicts. These things have sometimes been distractions from a contemplative life and sometimes have rubbed against the core of who I believe God has made me to be.
I really do think all this has been good for my soul in some ways, but bad for my soul in some other ways. It's all good in the sense that God never wastes a problem. He is always seeking to use everything to sanctify us. So, there is a sense in which I am to embrace every aspect of senior pastoring as part of the process God is using to conform me to the image of Christ. But sometimes I look in the mirror and think about where I am and wonder, "Is this person I see and the responsibilities I have really who God made me to be and what God designed me to do?"
As I think about my past and my future and who God has made me to be be, I believe that God has wired me to want to do things that are risky and sacrificial. God wired me to want to be someone who lives more on the edge - to do things that are more sacrificial. In fact, that's what I think He's called all of us to do. Check out Luke 9:23.
From a personal human standpoint, our desire to be risk-taking, sacrificial, missional followers of Jesus is why CVC even exists. God allowed Maryanne and me the privilege of leaving the security of family and familiarity behind in order to come to CVC as missionaries to start a church.
And sometimes, I feel that the "success" of our mission has become a distraction from who God has made me to be. I look in the mirror and wonder what happened to the "live on the edge" follower of Jesus. Before, Maryanne and I had only vision, prayer, and promises. Now, I have a nice, comfortable job with a nice, comfortable house with a nice, comfortable lifestyle.
Yes, I know God has given us all things to enjoy. And I don't want false guilt to drive my decision-making.
But I'm wondering what's next for me. The elders, including Chad, and I believe that it's connected to CVC - that it will involve more personal focus from me on missions, evangelism, and leadership development.
I want whatever is next for me to be more and more reflective of a radical, revolutionary, revived life in Christ. I want to follow Jesus and know Him more intimately.
In 1974, I memorized Philippians 3:10 from the Amplified Version of the Bible. God has been bringing that back to my mind lately. Like Paul, I want to say, "[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection, and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death" (Philippians 3:10, Amp).
Today, I watched a conversation between Francis Chan, Mark Driscoll, and Josh Harris. Something deep was stirred within me as I listened to the struggles and the desires that Chan expressed. I found myself saying, "Yes. You are expressing some of what I have been feeling ever since we moved into our building. "
So, I include the conversation here. If you are sensing God's call to you to move more and more away from security and to move to more and more sacrifice and risk, then you will find this conversation fascinating and inspiring. If you are not sensing God calling you to move more and more away from security and to move to more and more sacrifice and risk, then maybe you should watch this conversation so you can feel God's conviction and be repentant.
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